Come for the dog costume competition, stay for the drama on RHOD

Here’s what the dogs were up to on Real Housewives of Dallas episode 2.

We don’t have to wait long for the first dog spotting on Real Housewives of Dallas, which episode 1 proved was a show dedicated to dog lovers.

The show starts with Cary’s husband complaining about how the maid does not properly sort and match his socks: He is wearing two socks marked “right.” But then! She and her Bichon Frise go to wake up her daughter, Zuri, and the dog is woefully ignored.

Meanwhile at Kameron’s home, she speaks about how her husband “doesn’t want her to work” (??) but wants her to be a great “CEO of the house” (??). Anyways, she and her children take Spanish lessons with “one of the most sought out Spanish teachers in town” (??). Kameron is bad at Spanish, but worse is the conspicuous absence of Louis Vuitton (the dog) during this segment.

We then go to Stephanie and Laurie, her life coach. Laurie basically plays the role of a therapist, except perhaps without the educational background. They talk about seeing Brandi at the birthday party. There are tears, but no dogs. However, Stephanie does explain how months ago, she and Brandi were asked to host a dog costume competition (!) and so they will have “no choice but to see each other and talk.”

More importantly, that means we will get to see a dog costume competition on this show.

Next, Brandi and Cary get lunch and Brandi kicks things off with a confessional saying she is wary about the future of their friendship. They then discuss the “LeaAnne’s up to her tricks” text message. (To recap: Stephanie texted Brandi saying that Cary said that LeeAnne is up her old tricks. Cary denies this but pretty accurately identified the conversation she think Stephanie misunderstood.)

Then we go to D’Andra at work. Then Stephanie is house-hunting. There’s a pool in the living room but nary a mention of whether a dog might fall in and drown. Then there’s more Cary’s-husband-related work stuff.

Kameron’s husband really wants her to get over her pink dog food dreams and we finally get a shot of Louis. Ridiculous as it sounds, this pink dog food thing really seems like a pretty big red flag for this marriage.

There are plentiful shots of D’Andra’s dogs at the start of her talk with her mom about rebranding and other goals she has for the company. (One of them is not about eating out of a food bowl.) However, as the talk gets more serious — shoutout every marketing manager trying to convince a CEO you need to spend on social — there are fewer and fewer shots of her dog, who we haven’t even formally met.

We have met Biscuit though! Elsewhere, Biscuit is playing around in the kitchen at Stephanie’s home. Her husband is popping bottles because they won the bid (?) on the house they saw that Stephanie very much did not like. (The one with the pool in the living room.) He just bought it without telling her. What on earth is going on with these marriages?

Finally, at long last, at minute 33, we get the dog costume competition and we’re at LeeAnne’s house to get ready. We are formally introduced to Carly, LeeAnne’s beagle who is dressed as a hot dog. Chief is also there, but he does not seem to be involved in the costume competition.

LeeAnne explains we’re about to find out how “cray cray people in Dallas get over their animals” and I have never been so excited by this show. LeeAnne is also dressed as a hot dog.

Cut to Stephanie. Biscuit is dressed as R2D2.

At the competition, we are treated to copious shots of other dogs, some in costumes, some not. (LeeAnne seems to be the only human in a costume so…do with that information what you will.)

Stephanie and Biscuit arrive, but Stephanie quickly passes Biscuit off to her child. There are some costume compliments and a lot of meaningful staring and then — dramatic! — it’s announced that the competition is beginning before anyone can start yelling. Stephanie, Brandi and some dude walk around judging and then the dog judge tries valiantly to do his job.

Among the best costumes: A burger, a taco, a shark, an elephant. Dogs dressed as the Dallas Cowboys and Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders won the day, and a Where’s Waldo costume one for the funniest costume.

Then, back at the picnic table, the ladies fight it out about the Text Message and Cary thinks LeeAnne is making this about her, which, kind of true. Then, Stephanie points out her and Brandi’s kids are suffering from this rift. Stephanie doesn’t know what she did wrong; Brandi says she didn’t feel appreciated. Then, Brandi says, dramatically, we’ll talk. And everyone makes faces.

End scene.

Next: The dogs are the true stars of RHOD

Next time on Real Housewives of Dallas: More marital red flags. More Brandi and Stephanie. More costumes. No dogs.