Vanderpump Rules Recap: Hope and Pride

DJ James Kennedy is in for trouble now that Crazy Kristen is back with Miami Girl version 2.0 and ready to blow up his relationship with Raquel.

Everyone (except DJ James Kennedy) is gathered for the surprise party that is waiting for Jax and Brittany when they return from Malibu. Stassi has decorated the apartment, orchestrated the travel logistics of the guests, and even arranged for Lisa Vanderpump herself to be there. I wonder when was the last time Lisa attended a party where the hors d’oeuvres included Hooters? Certainly not Kyle’s last white party—we all know her elegant soirees exclusively feature caterer-to-the-stars, Fatburger.

Brittany is over the moon, and she and Jax toast their engagement in classic Vanderpump Rules style by taking shots. Jax is a little hurt that his mother hasn’t responded to their Instagram announcement, but he hasn’t really spoken to her since his Dad died. She downplayed the gravity of his Dad’s illness, failing to tell him his father was in the ICU at the end. He understands his mother was trying to protect him, but he feels he was robbed of his chance to say goodbye to his father.

Kristen and Lala are discussing DJ James Kennedy. He is on the outs with everyone, but Kristen and Lala are especially gunning for him. Kristen is very leery of new people coming into the group, and she is sick of James doing bad things to her friends. This is ironic. Wasn’t Kristen the one who brought him into the group in the first place? And wasn’t she the one doing bad things to her friends before (and after) James came along?

Having not been included in the engagement celebration, James Kennedy is DJing at SUR when—ugh—Billie Lee tries to make herself relevant by telling him the news. With typical James Kennedy snark, he says he’s happy for Brittany because he thinks Jax will make a great first husband for her. DJ James Kennedy is a punk, but he has his moments—and he’s probably not far off with this statement.

Back at the party, Jax and Brittany tell everyone it’s been fun, but now it’s time for them to consummate their engagement. They head upstairs to do so, while everyone else remains downstairs. To paraphrase Ariana—eww. I don’t know why I continue to be surprised by the lack of boundaries with these people.

Kristen and Stassi are displaying their burgeoning maturity by day drinking at Kristen’s apartment instead of at the bar. Kristen has dug up some dirt on DJ James Kennedy and she is “frothing at the mouth” in anticipation of blindsiding him with it. Enter a girl named Hope. Hope is this season’s version of Miami Girl. According to Kristen, James made out with Hope at a club in front of her right after Kristen and James broke up.

Much like she did with Miami Girl, Kristen has tracked down Hope in order to use her to bring James down. Over drinks Hope told her that she was hanging out with Raquel and James, and after Raquel went to bed she and James hooked up. Hope says James gets away with his bad behavior because no one ever holds him accountable, and I think she just nailed why Kristen is salivating so hard for James. Kristen also did terrible things in the past, but she was ostracized for it and had to grovel her way back in; she’s going to make sure James pays for his sins just like she had to. I missed you, Crazy Kristen!

Jax arrives at Villa Rosa to ask Lisa for his job back. He used most of the inheritance from his Dad for Brittany’s ring and needs to earn some money. Please. Does anyone believe SUR is any of these people’s primary source of income anymore? Lisa pretends to consider it, then throws him a bone by saying he can work PRIDE. This scene annoys me. Lisa has become totally irrelevant to her own spinoff; none of these kids depend on her largesse for their livelihoods anymore, so just stop.

DJ James Kennedy is riding high, oblivious to the fact that Kristen is about to blow up the life he’s killing right now. He’s got a “supermodel” girlfriend, a new puppy and a new apartment that he doesn’t have to share with a middle-aged wannabe sugar daddy creeper. He also has a non-coin-operated washer and dryer, which to Ariana is the most impressive aspect of James’ fabulous life.

Tom, Ariana, Raquel and James discuss James’ rift with Jax as they sit down to dinner. Tom says James really is the White Kanye; he says stupid things, apologizes for them, and then a couple of months later says more stupid things that he has to apologize for. True that. He thinks James can make amends by buying Jax and Brittany an engagement gift.

James wonders if Tom and Ariana are feeling the pressure to get engaged. Ariana isn’t, but Tom already has plans for her ring if she ever gives up her anti-marriage stance. He will approach its design like he approaches his mixology, with the input of a battery of scientists and gemologists who will give the world a ring the likes of which has never been seen before. Don’t ever accuse Tom Sandoval of thinking small, people.

It’s PRIDE time, and this year SUR is going with an 80’s theme. Scheana thinks the 80’s were the best time ever—a sentiment no one who actually lived through the 80’s would agree with. Raquel has really taken the 80’s theme to heart, paying homage to the burned out Wall Street traders of yore by flaunting her new “pasta” skinny body. At least the cast was able to outfit themselves this year, instead of wearing the outlandish get-ups Lisa has concocted for them in the past—which kind of made a mockery of PRIDE instead of celebrating it.

Billie Lee is dressed as Melanie Griffith from “Working Girl,” which is a little tame for someone as parched as she is. Speaking of thirst, Scheana is lip-syncing her ancient single “Good as Gold” while Kristen sneaks through the back door of SUR with Hope in tow. She immediately pulls Raquel aside and proceeds to drop the bomb on her.

Raquel takes the news that James cheated on her with Hope with a grain of salt. She observes that Kristen is a little deranged and therefore lacks credibility. She also thinks Kristen is so hung up on her past with James that all the resentment she’s built up over the years has exploded in her head. Who is this Raquel? I always dismissed her as a dingbat Valley girl, but maybe there is more there than I gave her credit for.

Unaware of what’s coming his way, James is making up with Jax and Brittany. Brittany tells James how much he embarrassed her and how hurt she was, and he seems sincere in his apology. How could he not feel bad for making Brittany, who really seems like a sweet girl, cry the way he did? She is not sure she’s ready to completely forgive him, but she’s definitely ready to drink the tequila he gave her and Jax for an engagement present/conciliatory gesture.

Irony must be the theme of this episode, because as Raquel confronts James with Hope’s accusations, Jax is in the background overhearing everything and empathizing with James. He offers words of encouragement to him, having been in the same position himself multiple times before. James swears he’s never cheated on Raquel and that everyone is just obsessed with him.

Raquel is sick of having girls come up to her and tell her they slept with James, and Jax understands—he was always being accused of cheating, but in his case, all the accusations were true. Jax clearly thinks the accusations against James are also true, and does not empathize with him for being accused of cheating; he empathizes with James for having to come up with something on the fly to weasel himself off the hotseat and back into his girlfriend’s good graces.

Raquel goes to Lala and Scheana to ask if they know anything about James and Hope. Lala asks Raquel if she’s actually that dumb and tells her she doesn’t support her because Raquel has just sat back and said nothing while James has annihilated Lala over the years. Lala lays it on the line in her talking head, saying that while Raquel was in Sonoma getting her degree in kinesiology, James was in LA getting his degree in “shoving his d*** in people who are not” Raquel. Lala definitely has a way with words.

DJ James Kennedy is in the alley breaking down to Sandoval, who thinks there are too many smoking guns to believe that James has been faithful to Raquel. The girls walk up and Lala implores James to get it together and stop treating people badly. So what does he do with that advice? When Katie asks him what’s up with his pants, he tells her the shorts she’s wearing aren’t working for her and she needs to lose some weight.

Katie threw out a stupid insult, but she correctly assesses James’ modus operandi when she says he has a history of going after people’s weak spots and using them as weapons. So does Katie, but she’s been on a redemption arc since last season and appears to be less vicious than she used to be. DJ James Kennedy, however, has just reverted right back to the “summer bodies” debacle. He never learns, but that’s why we love (or hate) him.