Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Reunion Part 3

The Real Housewives of Orange County wrap up the season in true OC fashion–Kelly hurls insults, Shannon shifts blame, and Vicki refuses to take responsibility for anything.

We’re back for the third and final round of the squawking and finger-pointing that comprise every Real Housewives of Orange County reunion. Well, every Housewives reunion, actually. Right away we get into The Evolution of Kelly Dodd. Kelly has become an accomplished cougar after downsizing to her condo by the sea. For the record, she didn’t dump the one guy for failing to buy her sunglasses–she dumped him because he was cheap (which is sort of the same thing) and “old as mold.” The more Kelly Dodd changes, the more she stays the same.

Andy (like the rest of us) wants to talk about Tamra’s party where Kelly got into it with…well, almost everybody. It all started when Kelly confronted Vicki’s boyfriend Steve about his comments to Page Six, then devolved into the all-out brawl we’re about to discuss. Kelly is unapologetic for hurling a laundry list of juvenile insults at Emily’s milquetoast husband, Shane. Emily thinks Kelly’s reaction to Shane was disproportionate to the situation. Kelly doesn’t care, because if someone is going to throw a bomb, she’s going to throw a nuke.

Emily tells her to get some new material, and Kelly tells Emily to get her “b**** under control.” Ha. Kelly may fight like a guttersnipe, but I have to agree with her sentiments about Shane. Speaking of disproportionate reactions, Andy asks Emily about threatening to kill Kelly. Emily uses legal terminology to illustrate that she did not actually threaten Kelly. Kelly would have had to have a reasonable belief that Emily would actually kill her. Oh, Emily–the “reasonable person” standard may be ubiquitous in the law, but it is nonexistent among the Housewives.

Here we go, having to revisit the ladies’ Jamaica trip. I hate these montages. Nothing the OC ladies have ever done on vacation is cute or funny. In fact, almost everything they have done is obnoxious, crude and an embarrassment to every American who has ever traveled to a different country. Vicki’s twerking is a perfect example. I’m irritated that Andy keeps pandering to this woman by giving her the attention she so desperately craves.

We’re back to the tension between Shannon and Tamra, culminating with Shannon’s meltdown in Jamaica. Shannon tries to say she was fun the whole time, even though her house was being sold out from under her, and even though she had a sprained ankle, and even though etc., etc. This is precisely the problem for Gina and Tamra; they are exhausted by the way Shannon uses her many trials and tribulations to show them how difficult it is for her to have fun, and somehow feels she should be commended for not being a drag 24/7.

Now it’s just a roundelay of random grievances. Shannon leans on Tamra when she needs her then ices her out when she doesn’t, which we already went through last week. The Jamaica dinner wouldn’t have become so volatile if Shannon could have kept it together a little better. Shannon resents the idea that the ladies think she didn’t handle herself well when it was obvious she was drunk. What? Does Shannon think 1) saying she was drunk is a valid defense of her behavior, and 2) she should get a pass on that behavior because of it? Not the best corner to paint yourself into, Shannon.

Regarding the suggestion she could benefit from medication, Shannon reacted so negatively to it because she perceived it as an accusation that she’s a mess who can’t handle her life. I mean…if the shoe fits… Tamra strikes a nerve when she asks if David used to say such things to Shannon, because of course he did. He belittled her in this way for seventeen years, which is why Shannon reacted so violently to the idea of going on meds.

She would rather self-medicate with alcohol, and despite clucking and gossiping about Shannon’s drinking throughout the season, the ladies agree Shannon doesn’t have a drinking problem. It’s not an issue because everyone self-medicates with alcohol at times, according to Kelly.  This may be true, but not everyone goes off the deep end to the extent Shannon does–which is an issue.

Self-medication is not Shannon’s only issue, however, and it’s time to rehash that time Gina told Shannon that everyone was questioning her mental health. Was Gina trying to stir the pot or was she trying to be a good friend to Shannon? What does it matter when Gina and Shannon were never friends in the first place?

Apparently Shannon told Gina–off-camera–that she was afraid of losing her children so she wanted to know what was being said about her. She asked Gina not to say anything to Tamra then turned around and called Tamra to tell her Gina said she was a bad friend. Gina and Shannon go back and forth about what was or was not said, and nothing gets accomplished. God, this is exhausting.

Gina and Emily apologize to Shannon for speculating about her mental health. Shannon accepts their apologies, but is still not particularly fond of either one of them. Okay–it’s finally time to wrap things up.

What one moment would each lady take back from the season? Kelly would never have called David a saint for putting up with Shannon. Gina would not have inserted herself into the Tamra/Shannon drama when she went to visit Shannon after her eye surgery. Emily would not have threatened to kill Kelly (what happened to Emily’s assertion that saying she was going to kill Kelly could not be legally construed as a threat?).

Naturally Vicki can’t take responsibility for anything. She was just trying to support poor, broken-hearted Michael Dodd through his divorce, but  wishes she would have told him to leave her out of his dating life. Tamra regrets talking trash about Shannon all season long, and Shannon regrets her behavior in Jamaica. Shannon may regret it, but that meltdown was the

only

most interesting thing that happened this season. Stay messy, Shannon!