Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Reunion Part 1

A new alliance is apparent as D’Andra spills the dirt on LeeAnne, and it’s Round 2 of the LeeAnne/Brandi frat party brawl.

Saddle up friends, because it’s time for Part 1 of the Dallas reunion and I think it’s going to be a juicy one. It seems like there were quite a few unresolved issues after the finale so let’s dig in.

Andy compliments Brandi’s high pony as I’m wondering if she and Gina from OC are wearing the same reunion dress. Everyone benefits from toned-down makeup and hair except for Kameron. Her hair is Texas big and she is wearing way more makeup than usual. She really has beautiful skin and shouldn’t cover it up so much.

Brandi rolls her eyes as LeeAnne kicks off the reunion with a contrived moment of Zen, and we’re off. There is a package cobbling together the season’s good times—why do they always do this at reunions? No one is tuning in to be reminded of the moments of levity throughout the season. Bring on the drama, Andy.

I guess he heard me because right away we get into the Beaver Creek Queen Bee altercation (and learn that Taylor Swift rented the Westcott chalet!). LeeAnn accuses D’Andra of saying there would be no show without the social cred she brings to it. D’Andra denies it and Brandi agrees she never said it. Cary sticks up for LeeAnne, and the lines are drawn.

D’Andra brings up that LeeAnne gave an interview to a tabloid saying there would be no show without her, because all storylines lead back to her. I hate to admit it, but she’s kind of right. There are other storylines of course, but are we really watching to see if Kameron’s Sparkle Dog will succeed or if Cary’s renovation gets completed?

D’Andra tells LeeAnne she’s going to divulge the secret she’s been keeping for two years. Bravo’s been teasing us with this snippet so much that I’m shocked it’s not being aired at the end of the episode to keep us hanging until next week. This bodes well for the rest of the reunion.

The secret is that LeeAnne told D’Andra Cary was going to fat shame her like she fat shamed Mark during the first season. Fat shame D’Andra? How? Cary vehemently denies this and says she didn’t fat shame Mark. Well—she called him a fixer upper with man boobs, so you be the judge.

What’s strange is that Cary doesn’t turn on LeeAnne after hearing this information. She goes after D’Andra instead, calling her the “dumb b****” who believed LeeAnne’s story. What has gone down since filming ended to make Cary such a staunch LeeAnne supporter?

Andy asks how Brandi and D’Andra were able to settle their differences and build a friendship. D’Andra thinks they share a similar sense of fun and that Brandi is more laid back than the other women. She’s also probably a breath of fresh air after the stuffy society prigs D’Andra has been forced to kowtow to her whole life.

Andy asks LeeAnne why she felt she needed to protect D’Andra from Brandi. She tries to give a logical reason but can’t come up with one. The bottom line is that she doesn’t trust Brandi and vice versa. Whey can’t LeeAnne just come out and say that instead of trying obfuscate the issue?

Next we rehash the Kameron/Stephanie fight over Brandi’s adoption of Bruin, which was a whole lotta bluster over something that was never said. Kameron thought Stephanie said she was bashing an adopted baby when she actually said Kameron was wrong to bash Brandi over how and whether she chose to share the news with the other ladies.

Kameron admits she misheard Stephanie and thus overreacted, but like a (sparkle) dog with a bone, she insists Brandi was wrong to keep her out of the loop. She also thinks Stephanie was wrong to keep the adoption a secret by telling Kameron she was the one getting a surrogate. Somehow Kameron thinks this harmless subterfuge was offensive to people with fertility issues. I hope not; I’d hate to think we as a society have become that hypersensitive.

Stephanie nails the issue as usual; this only became a problem because Kameron was insulted Brandi didn’t tell her about the adoption. Why should she have? As D’Andra points out, it’s no one’s business. Kameron agrees, which is odd since she just spent the last 5 minutes justifying her argument with Stephanie by saying Bruin’s adoption was her business.

On to Stephanie. Just because she has a fabulous new house in a swanky neighborhood doesn’t mean her life is perfect. She discusses her struggles with depression and why she opened up to LeeAnne about trying to commit suicide at age 22. There had been tension between them, so when LeeAnne shared her own suicide attempts with her, Stephanie saw it as an opportunity to connect on a deeper level.

She still experiences dark times and there are days she can’t get out of bed, but she takes medication and deals with it the best she can. She says Brandi is always there for her, and then LeeAnne pipes up to tell Stephanie she’s a beautiful person who shouldn’t be ashamed of showing emotion. For once I agree with LeeAnne, but I can’t help but feel she was a little threatened by how close Stephanie and Brandi are, and wanted to stake her claim to Stephanie’s friendship.

Brandi says she was recently asked who she thought has changed the most and she says Stephanie has. She admires how brave Stephanie has become, and LeeAnne praises her for finding her voice. Thank God she did, because Stephanie’s voice is the voice of reason. Cary is also a voice of reason, but hers is tinged with an excess of snarkiness and a little smugness. Stephanie can be a little snarky, but she’s never been smug. She pokes fun at the shenanigans around her, but always takes accountability for her own part in them.

On to LeeAnne. This season was about transforming herself and getting Rich to set a date, so she’s batting .500. LeeAnne meditates every morning and sees two therapists. One weekly to help with her personal growth; another one every two weeks to make sure she’s handling her heady Housewife fame appropriately.

D’Andra is skeptical. This is the first she’s heard about LeeAnne having two therapists—why does she care? Brandi wants LeeAnne to name her therapists and again, what’s the difference? It doesn’t matter how many therapists LeeAnne has or who they are, because LeeAnne is still nuts. Cary is #teamLeeAnne once again, jumping in to confirm that LeeAnne does indeed see two therapists. Can we move on? Because I’m #teamwhocares.

D’Andra has had enough when LeeAnne brings up her enlarged amygdala. She thinks LeeAnn should just take medication for her anger problems instead of Googling something to make excuses for her lack of self-control. Last year it was PTSD, this year it’s an enlarged amygdala; what will it be next year?

As Cary continues to take LeeAnne’s side, Andy wonders why she’s been so receptive to a friendship with the woman who said her husband got “his d*** sucked at the Roundup”? Cary absolves LeeAnne of her role in spreading the rumor by saying it was started by a disgruntled florist. I don’t get this line of reasoning—even if the disgruntled florist started the rumor, LeeAnne was the one who spread it around. And repeated it on national TV, no less.

D’Andra thinks this is bs and is very suspicious about Cary’s motives in supporting LeeAnne—what has happened between D’Andra and Cary? I’m dying to know! Cary says D’Andra also spread the Roundup rumor and Kameron backs her up. She says D’Andra’s been going around town saying lots of things about Cary, and she’s got receipts. I think a light is about to be shed on the D’Andra/Cary rift.

Kameron produces a text from D’Andra disparaging Brandi’s and Cary’s businesses. It seems D’Andra was upset that Brandi and Cary skipped one of her Hard Night Good Morning events because she writes that she’s had to put up with their events. She then says Cary thinks they’re competitors because they both sell skin care products, and that Cary’s clinic has screwed up a lot of people’s faces. Ouch. Brandi sees it as harmless venting to a friend, but it just goes to show you—never write anything to anyone that you don’t want made public.

D’Andra denies she ever sent the text and thinks LeeAnne performed some kind of phone voodoo to make it appear like she did. Kameron wants to call AT&T to prove D’Andra sent it, but thankfully Andy puts the kibosh on that. Brandi doesn’t believe Kameron would make this whole thing up, but LeeAnne sure would. And since Kameron has been LeeAnne’s lapdog all season…who knows?

Moving on, Andy thinks LeeAnne’s l’infinity dress is the best Housewife product out there. Really? He can spot Kameron’s Tom Ford dress from 20 paces but he loves the l’infinity dress? Interesting. LeeAnne hasn’t gotten any interest from QVC or other distributors yet, but she’s okay with that because she just wants to focus on her wedding planning bliss right now.

Is LeeAnne really blissful? Andy asks Stephanie if she thinks LeeAnne’s changed for the better, and get ready for some truth, people. Stephanie is the only one who seems like she doesn’t have an axe to grind at this reunion. She thinks at first it seemed like LeeAnne was very focused on keeping it together, but toward the end of the season she began to crack under the pressure.

Brandi doesn’t think LeeAnne has changed at all (obvi). Andy asks if Brandi was trying to provoke LeeAnne into crazy behavior at the frat party. LeeAnne thinks so. Cary thinks Brandi was in LeeAnne’s face and pretends she didn’t notice LeeAnne’s disturbing reptilian behavior. Really, Cary? Because as LeeAnne was hissing and undulating back and forth, you were pulling her away and imploring her to stop behaving that way. MmKay.

LeeAnne asks Brandi what set her off at the frat party, which sets Brandi off. Gee, I wonder what could have done it. Could it have been telling D’Andra that Brandi can’t be trusted? Could it have been saying adopting Bruin was an attempt to save her marriage? Could it have been telling everyone she was an alcoholic? Could it have been accusing Brandi of stealing her phone then lying about cloning hers? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why Brandi might be harboring some resentment towards LeeAnne.

It’s all of those things, but the conversation turns to LeeAnne’s accusation that Brandi is an alcoholic. When asked point blank about it, she says she doesn’t think Brandi has a drinking problem. That’s some pretty impressive back peddling since she said it over and over again all season long. Andy calls her on her statement that Brandi isn’t sophisticated enough to be an alcoholic—she’s just a drunk. He asks if LeeAnne thinks Brandi’s a drunk. LeeAnne plays semantics by saying no, she just thinks Brandi likes to get drunk.

Stephanie is going to break this down for everyone: what’s going on here is that even though LeeAnne is defending herself by saying she only used the word alcoholic once, she’s been implying it all along by saying other things about Brandi’s drinking. As Brandi’s best friend Stephanie can say she’s not an alcoholic, and LeeAnne’s inferring it puts a label on Brandi that is unfair because it’s so untrue, and that’s not okay. Stephanie Hollman, ladies and gentlemen.

Next week: Mama Dee joins the fray!