At least there were ponies (and a lemur?) this week on RHOD

The Real Housewives of Dallas dog coverage is getting concerning.

We open at Stephanie’s new digs and Stephanie is talking about being afraid of fish (?) and whether coin fish live forever. She passively aggressively mentions “look it’s a pool” to Travis as they enter their huge home and we are off to a roaring start. Travis thinks the kids will have fun. Stephanie thinks the floors will be like living with a bunch of wet dogs. Travis says she’s really good at mopping (!!!).

Stephanie is already using her confessional to rationalize the house. Close to school! Close to good restaurants! Amanda, the designer, arrives with a giant black swan floatation. Travis gets on and unfortunately does not fall into the pool. Stephanie accurately points out Travis is trying to live a Hugh Hefner life. They’re uncomfortable relationship continues to play out. Stephanie thinks Travis will make things up to her by letting her redesign the place but Travis doesn’t actually and pulls the “I make the money” card. Amanda looks wildly uncomfortable.

For those keep tracking: None of her dogs are at the new place. Probably because of that pool.

Over to Brandi, who is at a fertility expert with Bryan, who cannot recognize a vagina. Brandi is describing her “mommy makeover” — which includes a tummy tuck. She was told that as a result, her future babies may not be able to grow to full term. Last summer, she got pregnant but with the ultrasound revealed there was no heartbeat. She blames herself and hte mommy makeover. Her OB/GYN, Dr. Holt, assures her many people can get pregnant after mommy makeovers and encourages them to go through a fertility evaluation.

D’Andra and LeeAnne arrive. They’re discussing “over the line” costumes. And D’Andra calls her out on lying/hiding her true costume. D’Andra is worried about her ruining the good work she’s put into rehab her image. We learn they’ve been friends for years, hence the truth talking.

LeeAnne thinks Stephanie is a social climber and now Stephanie has set her sights on Kameron. (“There is no one higher in the Dallas social scene.” – LeeAnne.) D’Andra has no time for these excuses. Which LeeAnne recognizes but doesn’t care? In this moment, I love D’Andra for just friend-yelling at LeeAnne.

Still, there are no dogs.

Finally! Brandi is sitting with her daughters, Brinkley and Brooklyn, and pup, as she describes how they’re going to visit her formerly estranged father in Tennessee. (Did we know Brandi had a dog? Apparently, her name is Shuggie?)

Onto the PositiviTEA luncheon. Real Housewives of Dallas has been blessedly low on charity drama as plot-point, but I guess it was inevitable that it became a part of the show eventually. LeeAnne is the keynote speaker and she does an excellent job behind the podium. Back on the floor, she promptly starts stirring up drama.

Kameron is talking about Louis and his outfits. (Apparently, this is irksome to Brandi.) Then LeeAnne talks about her hot dog costume for her pup Carly.

Then there the first of power struggle D’Andra and her mom will have — except a power struggle implies it goes back and forth and Mama Simmons is constantly in control. Anyways, D’Andra gains no ground.

Hours later (?), Kameron and Cary are getting drinks in which I learned you should, must, own a raincoat for your Berkin.

Elsewhere, Stephanie and Brandi are also getting drinks. Or, massive tequila shots. Honestly, that’s like three fingers of tequila, good lord. Brandi and Stephanie discuss the new house, “the situation,” and her desires to be more of a socialite — which Stephanie denies. Brandi does not buy it, but also feels like LeeAnne put her in a weird position. Which, LeeAnne’s behavior is uncalled for but also Brandi jumped into this particular tiff of her own volition.

Then, we get scenes of Kameron talking about Brandi is being standoffish — “no social grace” — and Brandi’s potential jealousy — “she’s more simple” — cut with scenes of Brandi doing a (pretty accurate) Kameron impression. Delightful.

D’Andra vs. mom, round two: Now with more tears and maternal emotions.

Brandi stops by Stephanie’s new home — Chateau Shut the Fuck Up — and discuss LeeAnne. (Brandi doesn’t allow her in her home?) They prank call Heidi, LeeAnne’s socialite friend and Stephanie’s neighbor. (The voice Brandi does is incredibly creepy.)

Cary is hosting a birthday party for her daughter and she had Mark have a typically passive aggressive conversation in the kitchen. We get a glimpse of her border collie, but then everyone is distracted by the ponies (??) and the lemur (?!?!).

Next: RHOD Brandi and Stephanie rekindle friendship

The ladies gather and all gossip about LeeAnne, because, of course, and Brandi shares that LeeAnne is not allowed in her house. (Cary’s confessional: If someone who called themselves her friend said that to her, she’d tell them to go f– themselves. Bless Cary.)

But lest you think the child’s birthday drama was exclusively focused on LeeAnne. Brandi gives Cary and Stephanie gifts in front of Kameron, then expresses her love and invites them to Kentucky. (LeeAnne is not coming.) At which point Kameron calls her out extremely passive aggressively for doing the gift exchange etc. in front of her. Because “etiquette.” Which seems a tad producer-contrived, but sure! All in! Drama!

Honestly, a lemur riding a pony is pretty solid consolation, but we’re still going to need better dog coverage next week.